Casey Anthony truly won the lottery. She disposed of her burdensome toddler, dragged the family that she resented into the gutter in the most public way possible, lied to everyone about everything, was acquitted on the major charges, and will probably make a shitload of money on interviews, book deals, and a Lifetime movie (Alyssa Milano as Casey, Meredith Baxter-Birney as Cindy, James Brolin as George, Chuy Bravo as José Baez). As revolting as that is, history shows that TOT MOM will probably follow the O.J./Amy Fisher trajectory and end up broke, back in jail, (or worse) on Celebrity Rehab at some point in the near future. 

In case you missed it, here's a clip of Nancy Grace and her shrieking pet gollum, Sue Moss, the rhyming-est, screamiest lawyer in Nancy's stable of talking heads shouting her analysis of the day's events.

Doodle Whore has analyzed the President's recently released long-form birth certificate and it's real. It's also been determined that "Birthers" are simply a bunch of racist assholes who still can't get over the fact that we have a president who isn't white. Get over it already.

Literal fistfuls of salt in everything she cooks. It's gross. Just stop.

P.S. If you don't know who this growling/grunting/Food Network/Spanx abusing tv personality is, just envision the spray-tanned love child of Rachel Ray and Bruce Vilanch, with yellow hair, a glandular problem, and a grating vocal tick. And just to prove I can be nice, I'm really enjoying her new show Worst Cooks in America. 

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I'm sure you've dampened your knickers by now like I just did. Subscribe to Randall's Wild Wild World of Animals so you never miss an episode. KaDOOZE to the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck boys for bringing the genius of Randall to my attention. They're the crazy nastyass Honey Badgers of the ice cream truck world. They don't give a shit!

And Vogue. And Deeper and Deeper. I'm clearly not the only one who noticed. Whatever. Born This Way is perfectly acceptable cardio/pot throwing music.

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I blame Will and Jada Smith's preternaturally precocious and irritating spawn for starting this trend. Jayden remade The Karate Kid and his equally grating and prodigious sister, Willow, is going to be whipping Annie's red afro back and forth in a remake of Annie. Not one to be left out, Rihanna has decided to throw her five-head into the ring with her hotly anticipated re-boot of the classic 1985 Cher/Eric Stoltz tearjerker Mask! At least that's the only reason I can think of why she would allow her Ronald McDonald follicles to be styled into this particular hair-don't that makes Tyra Banks and Christina Ricci's spacious foreheads green with envy. Bangs are your friend. Don't forget that. -Ella, -ella, -ella.

Bitch Stole My Look: Rihanna channels Eric Stoltz as Rocky Dennis with a sky high forehead and scarlet tresses.

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I totally understand the concept of emotional eating when under the stress of a breakup, but what kind of high fructose/high carb hell has Christina Aguilera been feeding her snizz lips? They're huge!

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When I'm not wasting time playing that damn Angry Birds game, I like to doodle with the Brushes app. Usually, I doodle genitals of varying shapes and sizes then email them to friends and family. If I get enough requests I will post those, but until then here are some famous people.

"Madonna Plays Jazz Flute"

"Lady Gaga Eats Grilled Cheese"

"Morrissey Sips Mineral Water with a Fuchsia Straw"

"Nicki Minaj Smokes a Sherlock Holmes Pipe"

I'm keeping my toenails crossed for an enterprising ghost to snatch that broke-ass lacefront off of Kim's head and make it go into the light. 

Posted via email from HELLywood