Hey Brit! Sorry you had to be coned when you should still be celebratin' that birthday, but that's just the way it is around here. I'm thrilled to have some good news to report about you for a change:
- You're number 1 again! Not on Billboard, silly. On Yahoo's Top 10 Searches. You beat that skank, Paris, who's number 3. Snap!
- You just won an award! Unfortunately, it's the 2007 Stinky Diaper Award for horrible celebrity parenting. Just remember that awards only go to very special and important people and you're totally one of them. Kudos!
- You just shot a new $500,000 video for your next single "Piece of Me"! Well, after showing up 12 hours late and your label threatened to give the shoot to a younger, sexier, and more professional version of you named Samantha Jade.
- You haven't flashed your cooter in months! That makes you one classy lassie, Brit. Keep up the good work!