Not a pretty picture, is it. My first Essence of Britney is rather charming in comparison, and it inspired me to create the Essence of Britney Collection at the Doodle Whore Store. This, however, if far too grotesque to ever put on a tote bag or coffee mug. My horrific vision came to me after seeing her latest round of paparazzi pix at Dlisted.com. Cheap acrylic extensions writhing around her bloated head like Medusa's snakes. Skin taking on the pitted, Cheeto-like pallor of her favorite snack food. Her right fist has become a sinewy, pulsating mass of hot Frappuccino, perpetually squirting it's hot, foamy sustenance into her hungry, gaping mouth. Her left hand has clutched an endless procession of doomed little dogs until they've merged into a single, mewling, matted stump. The once lithe dancer's physique long gone, it's now just an oozing mass of lumpen flesh that has permanently melded with Those Boots at a molecular level. Unable to move, Britney is now completely dependent on Alli and Sam for all of her needs (kind of like she is already).
Ok, Brit. I want to make a deal with you. If you could simply pull your life together and stop being such a self-destructive train wreck, I promise to draw pretty pictures of you. Seriously, get some help. We're all worried.
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