I've been watching her promote her new album all over the place and I'm mesmerized by her wardrobe choices (Wet Seal? Forever 21? Isn't she like 45 or something?), her bronzed motionless forehead, and her perpetually flailing limbs and finger choreography. You know it's because she can't dance with her legs like a normal person that she feels the need to do all that pointing, waving, and fluttering. Like a butterfly. Hell, even that gold digging hag Heather Mills could dance and she has a peg leg. I lump Ms. Carey in with other celebrated divas who couldn't cut a rug to save their lives like Whitney and Kylie. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I kind of like her new single "Touch My Body." I know, it's embarrassing. But I also secretly liked "We Belong Together," too. I'm fascinated by the way she's capable of cramming a million words into a single phrase or verse of a song until it sounds like gibberish. Honestly, I never really paid much attention to her until her post-Glitter public meltdown. Nothing thrills me more than watching a celebrity unravel before our eyes. It's not nice, but I can't help it. Just check out my myriad Britney posts for proof of that.

Watch Mariah flutter, poke, and flail:

Watch Whitney shake her weave and barely move her legs:

Watch Kylie bend, pivot, and move her arms a lot:

Watch Heather Mills dance her leg off:

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  1. iiiparadoxiii // April 18, 2008 at 10:08 PM

    I love your doodles they're awesome

  2. Anonymous // April 18, 2008 at 11:30 PM

    Could it be that singers who do not waste their breath dancing could ACTUALLY be singing and not lip syncing? Heather Mills may be outdancing the divas, but she is not attempting to sing at the same time. It may just be me, but mariah and whitney, like their music/personas or not, can actually SING and don't have to distract their fans from their lack of vocal talent by dancing wildly while lip syncing to digitally improved versions of their songs, unlike other popular pop singers.

  3. jay are // April 19, 2008 at 9:24 AM

    Chill out anonymous it's only a doodle (a really funny one). Did you see her on American Idol it looked like she was sign languaging the Magna Carta. Don't get me wrong I love me some Mariah but the girl's got the moves of a chicken.

  4. Anonymous // April 20, 2008 at 1:02 AM

    my apologies. Mariah does indeed look like a chicken and she's batsh*% crazy. But it does seem unfair to compare the moves of a singer to those of even a one-legged (and also crazy) dancer. Still love the site.

  5. Doodle Whore // April 20, 2008 at 10:15 AM

    Anon, you have a point. Comparing Mimi to Heather Mills was an inaccurate analogy since she doesn't sing. I'd imagine Heather's singing voice would sound like an extended high pitched wet fart after a night of cheap Mexican food.

  6. Mr. Picklefeather // April 20, 2008 at 11:19 AM

    I love how people on here get so worked up over a doodle. You must be hitting a nerve, DW!

  7. Gilmore // April 21, 2008 at 6:23 PM

    I think "finger choreography" is my new favorite expression. :) I too marvel at her frozen forehead, skimpy mall clothes, and makeup shaded boobs. I'm also mesmerized at how still her lower half remains while she's doing her convulsive upper body aerobic motions.
    Love this posting!

  8. javelin // April 22, 2008 at 10:49 AM

    ahahaha... I bet Mariah has a signed photo hanging on the wall at her local mall. She thinks the 17 year old salesgirls are her bffs.

  9. lsparcl // April 24, 2008 at 2:55 PM

    And it also seems that Mariah is having a little trouble with those sky high heels she's wearing -- notice her grip the mic stand for support a couple of times....

  10. Laura // May 4, 2008 at 3:22 AM

    you should add rihanna to that list of ppl who can't dance.

  11. Charlemagne // May 5, 2008 at 9:06 AM

    i soooo feel you on the post-Glitter Mariah being much more interesting. you wouldn't catch me listening to pre-Glitter mariah to save your life, but post-Glitter is hot and crazy!

    i did like honey though. admit it you did too...

  12. Doodle Whore // May 5, 2008 at 10:18 AM

    You got me, Charlemagne. I liked "Honey" too...