This is what popped into my head when JOE brought this breaking news to my attention. Read the article here.

I have a love/hate relationship with the Food Network. I watch it everyday, but mainly to make fun of it.

Take Anne Burrell, the beastly star of Secrets of a Restaurant Chef. I don't know what she did to piss off her stylist, but she looks like a bleach blond she-Hulk sausaged into Rachel Ray's leftover wardrobe from four seasons ago. And it turns out that her big "restaurant chef secret" is to use buckets of salt in everything she makes. The most irritating aspect of her butchtastic persona is her trademark guttural growls and grunts that she sprinkles throughout her show as liberally as the salt. Gag me.

Then you have Sandra Lee: the busty, boozy, Stepford Wife-fembot of Semi-Homemade. This is a show devoted to the laziest (and drunkest?) of homemakers, where you take store bought pre-prepared ingredients and jazz it up to trick your family into thinking you made it from scratch. Every episode ends with a huge over-the-top cocktail and hilariously tacky tablescape that matches her cleavage baring outfit. It's always good for a laugh, and straight dudes will love it just for the knockers. I don't refer to her as "Tits McGee" for nothing. Check out her now classic episode where she makes a horrific Kwanzaa Cake:



You've probably noticed that Ina Garten of Barefoot Contessa is censored. I felt horrible even contemplating doodling her because I LOVE this woman. She's classy, has great taste, her recipes and suggestions are always perfection, and she loves her gays. If anyone really needs to see it, leave a comment and let me know why and I'll consider releasing it. If not, her doodle will say locked away in the vault forever. That way, I might still have a chance at becoming BFFs with Ina and her favorite 'mo, the über handsome he-model T.R. Pescod.

Watch Married To The Eiffel Tower [Part 1] | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Obscure new wave album covers. The Rural Modernist
Oh, no she di'nt! Hilary Duff better watch her back. HuffPo
Who's That Ghoul? GOTA
The white one from Real Trannies of Atlanta loves her "hair". Kim Zolciak Online
Cher on Madonna- The Worm, Episode 9. Youtube
Download some new tunes to freshen up that iPod. Pop Muse
Bon appetite! HuffPo

I've pretty much loathed Gwyneth since she first came on the scene, but I've been liking her more lately. Yeah, she's married to über douche Chris Martin and named her children Apple and Moses which is problematic. But here are some facts that make me like her more:

• she used to be a macrobiotic vegan, but now she's not
  
• she was charming as Pepper Potts in Iron Man
• she pals around with Madonna but hasn't converted to Kabbaallallah
  
• she traveled all over Spain with Mario Batali and his orange Crocs in a Mercedes convertible*
  
• she apparently still craves the ciggies:

"The last cigarette I smoked was the day I found out I was pregnant with Apple," she says. "I'm so pissed off it gives you cancer. But then, once you have children, if you've witnessed a death like I did with my father, you just can't. But I've decided that when I'm about 70 I'm going to start smoking again. Why not? I can't wait!' "

For some reason I like that she's going to resume her smoking habit at 70.

CLICK IT, DON'T LICK IT:
Read the whole article at People.com
Buy the book Spain... A Culinary Roadtrip

* I wonder if Gwynnie and Mario made sweet love in the backseat after one too many bottles of Spanish wine and tapas. Sorry, had to go there. You were thinking it, too.

I doodled her mug about a year ago and I still get a zillion hits a day from people searching for this woman so I thought I'd do another one. She has a show on Bravo called Millionaire Matchmaker where she pimps out gold diggers to dorky, socially stunted millionaires. Mildly amusing, but nothing worth clogging up the DVR for.
Vintage Patti: