First Kim Zolciak called Nene Leakes a moose, then Nene refered to Kim as a heifer, so naturally Kim would continue the animal theme by debuting her beaver on the world stage, in front of Mr. Chow's no less. Pass the Duck Sauce! While you're checking out her pork wonton, I'll be over here in a corner poking my eyes out with some knitting needles. You're welcome.

HuffPo is having a little photoshop contest to give Kate Gosselin a new hairdo and here are my entries. The scary thing is that she looks better with The Real Weaves of Atlanta on her melon instead of her usual asymmetrical shroom/porcupine ass.

Kate Zolciak

Nene Gosselin

Ok, she's totally in on the joke. The "no checks, Sheree" line is freaking priceless.

Woolly Pockets will turn your sugar walls green. The Rural Modernist

You'll never look at mittens in quite the same way. Regretsy

Put Giorgio Moroder's "The Chase" on your iPod and pretend to escape from a Turkish prison. Hardcandy

Are you a Jetsetter? You should be! The Rural Modernist

If Liza can marry two gay men, why can't I marry one? JOE to Hell

Ralph Lauren Lipshitz's Emaciation Proclamation (cue the xylophone music). Gallery of the Absurd

Handsome Devil Press eCards will give your iPhone a chubby. Handsome Devil Press

Says Ms. Nene Leakes (a.k.a. Moose) regarding the bewigged nicotine addicted chardonnay swilling siliconista Kim Zolciak on the teaser for next week's Real Housewives of Atlanta. Apologies to Elsie the Cow.

I totally stole this concept from my blog bud Gilmore's fantastic hand drawn rendering of Ms. Nene Leakes as a moose, so all the credit for this post goes to him and the colorful prose of the wigtastic Kim Zolciak. Regarding her former BFF Nene she opined, "If that moose walked in this building you could go ahead and forget it!" I'm sure she's just a little testy because Ms. Leakes referred to Kim as a "low down dirty monkey with a wig on."