This makes me want to have a chorus of chickens backing me up at all times.

If there is anyone who deserves hamming, it's Rachael Ray. Hearing her yammer on about EVOO makes me want to take an ice pick to my ear holes, but I must admit that her Devilish Sloppy Chicken Mini Sammies (she needs a double hamming just for the name of that recipe) are, in her mentally disturbed parlance, "delish!"

My Thanksgiving wish came true when a frozen ham landed on Paula Deen's face and now I'm making your dreams come true, too. Who should be hammed next?

First JLo falls on her gargantuan ass on national TV, then Paula Deen gets hit in the face with a ham. This is proof that all of my messages to The Universe are getting through. If a grand piano falls on Rachel Ray any time soon you'll know why. That's why I'm calling on you, dear readers, to tell me who should get the official Frozen Doodle Whore Ham to the Face treatment. Leave a comment with your suggestions and I'll be fulfilling your wishes digitally all month.